Ladies, how much of this is true?

[Smittie61984]

Coming from women who get waited on hand and foot.

Reachable at all times? Bitch, some guys actually have jobs so they can support your ass.

[Amorok]

I saw this on yahoo too and man, do I have opinions. Man opinions. Ladies, here's what men will never say to your face about the 12 things we don't know about you.
[QUOTE=Captain Morgan;308101]

Originally Posted by Captain Morgan

1. Christina Applegate
"Call us back right away. That 'three day' business does not apply. We're getting older, and we don't have time to screw around. Wait too long and we'll lose interest. Trust me on this one."

There is no rule when I will call a girl back. Women cannot survive without head games, played either on themselves, those around them, or me. Thus, no matter when I call you back I know it will be wrong. And fuck your old ass Christina Applegate, if I've got to work two doubles in a row with five hours of sleep you get to wait. If your too desperate to do that then fine, go out and find another sucker to jump at your beck and call.

Originally Posted by Captain Morgan

2. Courtney Cox
"We pay closer attention to your hands than you think. It's bad enough if you don't have manly hands, but if your nails are longer than ours, forget it."

I can't disagree with this one. Men shouldn't have long nails.

Originally Posted by Captain Morgan

3. Padma Lakshmi
"Some of us prefer boxing to yoga. None of us actually likes Pilates."

And while that may be true, when I get the fights on Saturday night you're still expected to make yourself scarce

Originally Posted by Captain Morgan

4. Alyssa Milano
"Women are innately self-conscious. This is not a choice; it's a genderwide condition. On a bad day, I look in the mirror and see my ten-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Bertha. On a really bad day, Bertha sees her two-hundred-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Brian Dennehy."

Awesome, you're a nutjob just like every other chick on the planet. Here's a news flash - men are innately sick of your bullshit. It's a gender-wide frustration, and we've had way more than enough. I don't care if you feel like a blimp are about to slash your wrists - if I say you look fine, I better not hear another goddamn word about it. Fish for self-confidence reinforcement somewhere else. Unless your job is to look good nobody gives a shit, if I do, I'll tell you and yes, it'll be constructive. Stop asking me loaded questions, stop being psycho, and stop expecting a free pass on it.

Originally Posted by Captain Morgan

5. Poppy Montgomery
"When considering whether or not to ask out the girl you're afraid to talk to, keep this in mind: No matter who you are or what you look like, it's always flattering when you hit on us. Always."

Sure, that's why you're such bitches about it, because you're flattered?

Originally Posted by Captain Morgan

6. Tea Leoni
"Supersecret: Unless we're blind or have no night-light in the bathroom, the whole toilet-seat thing is exaggerated and meant to control you."

Big surprise. We know already, which is why we conveniently "forget"

Originally Posted by Captain Morgan

7. Mariska Hargitay
"We love the fact that it takes you only twelve minutes to get ready for anything, be it a black tie [event] or a basketball game. When it takes longer than that... what are you doing in there?"

None of your goddamn business. I'm probably going to the john, which is convenient because that's where I am. Instead of questioning what I'm doing why don't you leave me to enjoy the only private place left to me.

Originally Posted by Captain Morgan

"We are all about our necks. Feel free to spend as much time there as you wish."

Awesome for you. I'm all about my penis. Start spending some more time there or the only thing I'll want to do to your neck will take about 15 to 20 minutes and send me to prison.

Originally Posted by Captain Morgan

8. Emily Deschanel
"Even if we've only been dating a few weeks, don't introduce us as your 'lady friend' -- or that's exactly what we'll become."

I'll introduce you as whatever pops into my head and seems appropriate. Don't like it? There are lots of less pleasant alternatives, both for names to refer to you by and guys for you to be standing next to. Go investigate some examples of both. If you can go and graphically discuss all sorts of things about me, my body, and our possible future together I can call you whatever I want.

Originally Posted by Captain Morgan

9. Jenna Fischer
"If we run into your ex-girlfriend in public, the first thing you should do is put your arm around us. And if we have to introduce ourselves, you are in big trouble."

If we run into my ex-girlfriend in public I'm already going to have a shitty night, so you being a bitch about it is the wrong move, especially if you don't want to be the next ex I run into. Nothing to do with any of my life before you is your business. Let those moments happen free of your meddling and you'll last a lot longer around me.

Originally Posted by Captain Morgan

10. Julie Delpy
"We need you to be reachable at all times, but we don't always pick up our phones when you call. We realize this seems like a double standard; if you'd like to discuss it further, just leave a message."

Bitch, if I'm paying for your cell phone you better answer it when I call. I don't care if you're on the phone with God, if I call you better click over and see what the fuck I want. And don't expect to reach me all the time, I have a job. You know, it's that thing I do so I can pay for your cell phone? If I'm busy I'm not answering the phone. Fuck your double standard.

Originally Posted by Captain Morgan

11. Maria Bello
"We're afraid of commitment, too. You may think we spend our time scheming ways to trap you into marriage, but many of us are quite happy being independent and autonomous. Besides, we're not in any rush to quit lusting after young Calvin Klein models."

You're a fucking liar Maria Bello. You want to trap us and our money, and while you like looking at Calvin Klein models, if your Victoria Secret catalogue shows up while you're gone I'll get bitched at. Well fuck you.

Originally Posted by Captain Morgan

12. Kyra Sedgwick
"Our friends are not your enemies, and our enemies better not be your friends."

Your friends are out to get me and you both and we both fucking know it. As for my friends, again, that's none of your concern. The best course of action is for neither of us to be forced to spend time around each others' friends.

[Kerry_129]

Awesome for you. I'm all about my penis. Start spending some more time there or the only thing I'll want to do to your neck will take about 15 to 20 minutes and send me to prison.

[Amber Lamps]

I like how most of these assume that the female has control of the relationship...

[Dragonpaco]

Originally Posted by TIGGER

I like how most of these assume that the female has control of the relationship...

most of us don't get them fresh out of grade school so there tends to be a constant shift of control....

[Fleck750]

Originally Posted by Dragonpaco

most of us don't get them fresh out of grade school so there tends to be a constant shift of control....

[Amber Lamps]

Originally Posted by Dragonpaco

most of us don't get them fresh out of grade school so there tends to be a constant shift of control....

Hardy, har, har! MOST of you don't have the balls to take control of your relationships regardless of the girl's age. Most of you can't seem to realize that it's something like 2-1 female to male and that we actually have the upper hand in this situation. Most of you don't realize that a woman will respect you and want you more if you take charge and don't allow her to run the show. Most of you allow yourselves to be controlled by your dick and have yet to realize that your SO has a pussy, not THE pussy!

I'm not saying that you should be an asshole but the fawning and ass kissing isn't really getting you anywhere. Invariably, the women that I have treated to best, have been the ones that have cheated on me or treated me the worse. They need us as much, if not more than we need them. Realize this and truly understand it. Unfortunately, the equal partnership thing is almost impossible (women that tell you that they have it are really in charge), if someone is going to be the boss, why not make sure that it is you?

[goof2]

Originally Posted by TIGGER

Most of you can't seem to realize that it's something like 2-1 female to male and that we actually have the upper hand in this situation.

This isn't even close to being right.

[defector]

Originally Posted by TIGGER

MOST of you don't have the balls to take control of your relationships regardless of the girl's age.

What exactly is controlling a relationship? Aren't relationships a 2 way street?Both parties can be completely happy without one or the other having "control".

[Fleck750]

^^^^^^ The cold and boredom got to you, didn't it? LOL