Dating Situation? - Page 3

Corey · 11-26-2008, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrazyKell

Yes you are reading too much into it.

I'm not looking at Option B. Option B was a very drunken mistake.

Then wipe previous post from memory.

fnfalman · 11-26-2008, 02:03 PM

Honesty is the best policy. DON'T LIE!!!

However, you don't have to volunteer information that is not need to know either.

No relationships = no commitments = no reasons to divulge private personal shits.

anthonyk · 11-26-2008, 02:12 PM

Drunken mistake? Definitely stay silent on that one. Otherwise, you're just barfing your guilt onto someone else with no benefit to your maybe-dating relationship.

speedylocksmith · 11-26-2008, 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrazyKell

Yes you are reading too much into it.

I'm not looking at Option B. Option B was a very drunken mistake.

I'm sorry but alcohol is no excuse. If you wouldn't do it sober, don't put yourself in that situation while drinking, or have a friend with you to make sure you don't do that. Not coming down on you but I hate when people us the "drunk" excuse

CrazyKell · 11-26-2008, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by speedylocksmith

I'm sorry but alcohol is no excuse. If you wouldn't do it sober, don't put yourself in that situation while drinking, or have a friend with you to make sure you don't do that. Not coming down on you but I hate when people us the "drunk" excuse

I believe this too. I'm not using it as an "excuse". I am taking full responsibility for my actions. I know where you're coming from.

Corey · 11-26-2008, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by speedylocksmith

I'm sorry but alcohol is no excuse. If you wouldn't do it sober, don't put yourself in that situation while drinking, or have a friend with you to make sure you don't do that. Not coming down on you but I hate when people us the "drunk" excuse

Agreed. I've got friends who pull that shit all the time. That and the "I was so drunk I don't remember what happened, but here's the story of the events in full explicit detail".

speedylocksmith · 11-26-2008, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corey

Agreed. I've got friends who pull that shit all the time. That and the "I was so drunk I don't remember what happened, but here's the story of the events in full explicit detail".

I've done plenty of dumb things while intoxicated (which is often) like fighting and ending up in a canal, almost fights etc... but alcohol just gives me that extra push, it doesn't make me do something I would be ashamed of.

fnfalman · 11-26-2008, 02:49 PM

Nothing wrong with drunken mistakes. Hell, without drunken mistakes, I wouldn't have gotten any action from the chicks at all.

Amorok · 11-26-2008, 03:06 PM

I had been seeing (read: sleeping with) a girl for a couple of weeks back in the day. She had been a friend for a while and I resopected her, but the "dating" was pretty much the two of us filling a need with the possibility of more later. Anyway, I worked at a bar, and that night I ended up drinking quite a bit after I was off. This cute redhead had been talking to me all night, and I was in there. Now I have the moral dilemma, what about the girl I've been seeing?

I did what seemed like an asshole thing to do, but at the time was the most right thing to do I could think of. I called the girl I was seeing, told her what was going on, apologized, and broke it off. Then I went an engaged in a night of carnal frivolity I could write a book about with one of the hottest chicks I've ever seen. Jesus, the stuff that girl could do.

So a week or so later I end up talking to the original chick again. By then she'd had time to cool off, and said that while I was an asshole for calling and breaking it off for a one night stand, she appreciated me being honest so she didn't hear it from someone else later. She said that she actually trusted me more because she knew I would tell her things. We ended up dating again for a while, and things were good.

Bottom line? Honesty is best. I don't care if it's casual or whatever, if being honest ruins the relationship then it's not one I want to be in. I'd rather tell someone the deal and hurt their feelings and be true to myself than be untrustworthy. A lie cheapens you, diminishes your character, and ruins the only thing of worth you really have - your word. If you're going to lie, you'd better have a damn good reason, and the sin of ommission isn't less of a lie. If you've been intimate with someone, you owe them the courtesy of letting them know not only that you're not exclusive, but when you're not exclusive. Either you'll learn that the dude doesn't really care and is looking for an out (in which case he'll blow things up and storm out, grateful for the excuse) or that he cares more than either of you thought when he tells you not to do it again, that he wants you all to himself. The situation has changed, let him know so you can both deal with it.

And yes, if Ulu had done something like this I'd want to know. Something similar happened to us, and it helped me make up my mind about where we stood. We got married several months later.

Papa_Complex · 11-26-2008, 03:13 PM

If there is no exclusivity, and that is understood by both sides, then there is no need to divulge. I also think that doing so may be a big mistake as it would imply that the original situation WAS exclusive, regardless of previous understandings, and that you had something to apologize for.

Lying about it, if asked, is a completely different issue.

11-26-2008, 02:03 PM	#22
fnfalman Europhile Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: SoCal Moto: Aprilia RS125, Aprilia SR50 Factory, Aprilia Tuono, BMW Rockster, KTM 990 Adventure Posts: 1,875	Honesty is the best policy. DON'T LIE!!! However, you don't have to volunteer information that is not need to know either. No relationships = no commitments = no reasons to divulge private personal shits. __________________ *Cogito Ergo Vroom - I think therefore I ride*

11-26-2008, 02:49 PM	#28
fnfalman Europhile Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: SoCal Moto: Aprilia RS125, Aprilia SR50 Factory, Aprilia Tuono, BMW Rockster, KTM 990 Adventure Posts: 1,875	Nothing wrong with drunken mistakes. Hell, without drunken mistakes, I wouldn't have gotten any action from the chicks at all. __________________ *Cogito Ergo Vroom - I think therefore I ride*

11-26-2008, 03:06 PM	#29
Amorok Issukangitok Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Biloxi, MS Moto: '06 Suzuki Boulevard C50T Posts: 2,225	I had been seeing (read: sleeping with) a girl for a couple of weeks back in the day. She had been a friend for a while and I resopected her, but the "dating" was pretty much the two of us filling a need with the possibility of more later. Anyway, I worked at a bar, and that night I ended up drinking quite a bit after I was off. This cute redhead had been talking to me all night, and I was in there. Now I have the moral dilemma, what about the girl I've been seeing? I did what seemed like an asshole thing to do, but at the time was the most right thing to do I could think of. I called the girl I was seeing, told her what was going on, apologized, and broke it off. Then I went an engaged in a night of carnal frivolity I could write a book about with one of the hottest chicks I've ever seen. Jesus, the stuff that girl could do. So a week or so later I end up talking to the original chick again. By then she'd had time to cool off, and said that while I was an asshole for calling and breaking it off for a one night stand, she appreciated me being honest so she didn't hear it from someone else later. She said that she actually trusted me more because she knew I would tell her things. We ended up dating again for a while, and things were good. Bottom line? Honesty is best. I don't care if it's casual or whatever, if being honest ruins the relationship then it's not one I want to be in. I'd rather tell someone the deal and hurt their feelings and be true to myself than be untrustworthy. A lie cheapens you, diminishes your character, and ruins the only thing of worth you really have - your word. If you're going to lie, you'd better have a damn good reason, and the sin of ommission isn't less of a lie. If you've been intimate with someone, you owe them the courtesy of letting them know not only that you're not exclusive, but when you're not exclusive. Either you'll learn that the dude doesn't really care and is looking for an out (in which case he'll blow things up and storm out, grateful for the excuse) or that he cares more than either of you thought when he tells you not to do it again, that he wants you all to himself. The situation has changed, let him know so you can both deal with it. And yes, if Ulu had done something like this I'd want to know. Something similar happened to us, and it helped me make up my mind about where we stood. We got married several months later. __________________ What goes around comes around. Sometimes you get what's coming around, and sometimes you are what's coming around. You see what I mean?

11-26-2008, 02:12 PM	#23
anthonyk WERA White Plate Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Austin, TX Moto: '01 Aprilia Falco Posts: 1,041	Drunken mistake? Definitely stay silent on that one. Otherwise, you're just barfing your guilt onto someone else with no benefit to your maybe-dating relationship.

11-26-2008, 03:13 PM	#30
Papa_Complex Nomadic Tribesman Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Brampton, Canada Moto: '09 ER-6n Posts: 11,150	If there is no exclusivity, and that is understood by both sides, then there is no need to divulge. I also think that doing so may be a big mistake as it would imply that the original situation WAS exclusive, regardless of previous understandings, and that you had something to apologize for. Lying about it, if asked, is a completely different issue.