For those with four legged children

[HurricaneHeather]

I didn't think we had a pet area on this forum, so I am posting this here. It's cute.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DON'T, IT IS A TRUE STORY.


The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:


TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ...

[Quick281]

I haven't seen that before but that was a good one. Very true as well!

[tommymac]

good stuff, but dont forget the pets with no legs

they also serve a purpose in keeping annoying people out of my house. Ewwww you have snakes, I am never comming to your house. Good I wasnt goign to invite you over anyway.

Tom

[rogue]

Originally Posted by tommymac

good stuff, but dont forget the pets with no legs

they also serve a purpose in keeping annoying people out of my house. Ewwww you have snakes, I am never comming to your house. Good I wasnt goign to invite you over anyway.

Tom

They're also good for keeping Jehovah Witnesses away. Answer the door holding the snake just once, and they'll never be back!

[Fleck750]

Originally Posted by Rogue

They're also good for keeping Jehovah Witnesses away. Answer the door holding the snake just once, and they'll never be back!

Had a neighbor that kept a stuffed goat in the front yard just for that reason.
Having a sister that's a professional door knocker comes in handy.............sometimes.

[Adeptus_Minor]

Originally Posted by Rogue

They're also good for keeping Jehovah Witnesses away. Answer the door holding the snake just once, and they'll never be back!

Unless they're snake-handling Jehovah's Witness...
...oh, nm... those guys are Pentecostals.

[rogue]

Originally Posted by Adeptus_Minor

Unless they're snake-handling Jehovah's Witness...
...oh, nm... those guys are Pentecostals.

But they're elite. They'll only handle their own snakes. Anyone else's scares the Jesus out of them.

[Adeptus_Minor]

Originally Posted by Rogue

But they're elite. They'll only handle their own snakes. Anyone else's scares the Jesus out of them.

I'm suddenly reminded of the Simpson's episode where Homer had created his own religion and was trying to get people to join.
Moe, the bartender, told him "Sorry Homer... I was born a snake handler and I'll die a snake handler"

[Smittie61984]

Good post!

With my dog, if I do sleep on the couch he hops on top of me. But I give my dog full access to anywhere I go, including the bed since when I snore he doesn't complain.

For you non-dog owning peeps. No outfit is complete without dog hair so get one.

[Mr Lefty]

Lol nice