texts from last night

[lauralynne]

(hopefully not a repeat)
http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

[rogue]

Ack! Another blog for me to read!

Good stuff!

[lauralynne]

I can't breathe....

"Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?"

[rogue]

The very first one had me literally laughing out loud.

i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.

[MILK]

Speaking of texts. Brad sent me one yesterday. He meant to send it to my cell but sent it to my office number instead. I get a message with a mechanical female voice translating text to voice! It was so funny listening to her saying all his abbreviations!

[Particle Man]

(918): Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
(515): I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.

(480): I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.

(415): Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.

holy crap, they're getting funnier and funnier

(859): im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever

(214): Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by ... it kinda turned me on

(206): put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties

(617): I'm half single.
(773): Please tell me it's the bottom half.

hahahahaha

(323): just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo

holy crap, I'm laughing so hard there are tears in my eyes

(310): im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon

(505): so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?

(845): I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.

That's cuz he accidentally the whole thing...

[ontwo]

"I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl"

[ontwo]

I'm sitting in my office laughing so hard I can't breathe

[the chi]

(775): Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
(1-775): What!?!?! How are you txting?!
(775): Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend

[Amorok]

My favorite one

??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.