texts from last night

[lauralynne]

(hopefully not a repeat)
http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

[rogue]

Ack! Another blog for me to read!

Good stuff!

[lauralynne]

I can't breathe....

"Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?"

[rogue]

The very first one had me literally laughing out loud.

i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.

[MILK]

Speaking of texts. Brad sent me one yesterday. He meant to send it to my cell but sent it to my office number instead. I get a message with a mechanical female voice translating text to voice! It was so funny listening to her saying all his abbreviations!

[Particle Man]

(918): Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
(515): I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.

(480): I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.

(415): Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.

holy crap, they're getting funnier and funnier

(859): im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever

(214): Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by ... it kinda turned me on

(206): put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties

(617): I'm half single.
(773): Please tell me it's the bottom half.

hahahahaha

(323): just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo

holy crap, I'm laughing so hard there are tears in my eyes

(310): im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon

(505): so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?

(845): I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.

That's cuz he accidentally the whole thing...

[NONE_too_SOFT]

lols mine made it up there.

[Particle Man]

(312): You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?

(202): He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia

(678): why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
(770): I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle

(810): When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
(1-810): that probably didn't help your case.

hahahahahahahahaha

(917): If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?

(678): Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.

[asdgirl]

734): But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame<div>(734): Superlame</div>

[asdgirl]

(404): I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today