Best Craigslist Ever.....

Racerboy · 01-16-2009, 09:14 AM

Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST

I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you
demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me
and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse
and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message.
I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol
after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket
for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.
You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911
.45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a
shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?
It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head,
isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back
to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping
about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you
also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with
me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to
come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of
calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in
your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also
bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to
one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along
with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet
itself in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell.

They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones.
Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone
for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on
with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service.
I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's
office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you
when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like
to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants,
so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for
the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use,
and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not
killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated.
I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life.
Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message,
email me and we'll do lunch and laundry.

Peace! - Alex

neebelung · 01-16-2009, 09:18 AM

Outstanding!!

Mikey · 01-16-2009, 09:23 AM

That makes me happy. I'd never leave a mugger alive, but that post made me consider it for a brief moment.

Rider · 01-16-2009, 09:28 AM

I love good stories.

rogue · 01-16-2009, 09:32 AM

R6Chick · 01-16-2009, 09:49 AM

Awesome!

Cruzergirl · 01-16-2009, 09:51 AM

Nice. Were I to ever get mugged I can only hope to be as cool (as in cucumber) as the letter writer...

01-16-2009, 09:14 AM	#1
Racerboy The Other White Meat Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Phoenix, AZ Moto: 1997 Cadillac Seville SLS Posts: 608	Best Craigslist Ever..... Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well. So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace! - Alex __________________ Have you ever wondered if the earth was a mental asylum for people rejected from a planet more sophisticated than ours... www.CheckeredFlagOils.com 954-975-BIKE (2453) 623-850-1OIL (1645)

01-16-2009, 09:23 AM	#3
Mikey Raving Lunatic Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: San Antonio, Texas Moto: Concours 14 ABS, ZX6E Posts: 902	That makes me happy. I'd never leave a mugger alive, but that post made me consider it for a brief moment. __________________ Slow is smooth, smooth is fast.

01-16-2009, 09:18 AM	#2
neebelung Ornery, scandalous & evil Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Jacksonville, FL Moto: 2004 Scarlet R1 Posts: 5,962	Outstanding!!

01-16-2009, 09:28 AM	#4
Rider Moto GP Star Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 12,156	I love good stories.

01-16-2009, 09:49 AM	#6
R6Chick I haven't had that in yrs Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Fort Lauderdale, FL Moto: 2004 R6 Posts: 439	Awesome!

01-16-2009, 09:51 AM	#7
Cruzergirl Its a good day. Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Pace, FL Moto: Victory Kingpin Low Posts: 951	Nice. Were I to ever get mugged I can only hope to be as cool (as in cucumber) as the letter writer...