The Mall. By Rangerscott

Rangerscott · 12-18-2011, 06:47 PM

Today I went to the mall. It was a cloudy, semi-cool day. I honestly didn't think I would go to The Mall, but I still needed to get something for my sister-in-laws. So as I enter the Gates of Hell, I say to myself, "As I walk through these corridors, I shall fear no evil."

The first stop was Barnes & Nobles, fuck it's like a queer starbucks. I wanted to see how much money I saved ordering a book from Amazon and laugh. Finally found the damn book and saw that I saved $10. That's right. Go fuck yourself B&N. Then I Leo Strutted my ass out of there.

As I walk through the corridors surrounded by ghouls and demon spawns (aka cattle), I start to think of what it would be like to be a mass murderer. Walking past store after store I think of what I'm not going to by my sister-in-laws. No clothes, no jewelry, no over priced artsy shit, and definitely nothing from VS. Yea, my mother said, "How about something from Victoria Secret?" My response was, "Da Fuck! I'm not their husband."

So we finally settle on going into the GAP/GAP Kids. I did not really no this because I've only go to The Mall when all hope is lost, but I believe if you're male and want to work at the GAP, you must be gay. I shook my head in disbelief. I asked for a job application fillout and sure enough at the very top it read, "If male and filling this form out, applicant must be gay." I sat the form down and looked around to see if I could figure out why they would require this. It did take a few minutes but a bulb lit and finally was able to see with open eyes. THE CLOTHES! I never face palmed myself so hard before. That's why, it's because of the male clothes they sell. I was able to get my nephew and niece some clothes for them. Hopefully neither of them will want to work at the GAP later in life.

Next stop was at a STUPIDLY over price joint called CRAZY 8. Why do people fucking support such overpriced kids wear? $30 for a polyester jacket that's the size of a toboggan. $50 for a pair of pants for a 3yr old! So why does the economy suck ass and people are running out of cash? O yea, that's right. Because people are retarded. So yea, I bought some clothes for my nephew/niece from the left over rack. Their parents already spoil them, they can learn about overpriced shit through me.

After leaving that shit hole and wondering around The Mall like a lost deer in a snowy forest, I see a mother bending over her childs stroller while walking and see her nice round boobs and I think to myself, "Those are some nice boobs." Ah, to be jealous of a child. Wish she'd hold me against those bad boys.

Finally to the last stop in America's bunghole (The Mall) is JcPennys women. After telling my mother over and over that I'm not buying my sis-in-laws jewerly, clothes, and fucking panties, you guessed it we looked at all of those. Excluding the panties. As I felt my brain go numb, I spotted the sunglasses. Could it be, the item that could save the day? Fuck yea it was cause I sure as hell wasn't going anywhere else or buying those stupid as RUBBER BOOTS (They're fucking rubber boots, I dont care how decorative they look) my mother was holding. I picked two pairs of the same for both sis-in-laws. Honestly there was really only two types to choose from. 1960's big ass style or 1980's retro style. You know people dis on the 80's all the time, but at least there was it's own style then. Now days it's just all recycled styles.

WE DID IT! The horror of shopping is now over and you actually read all of this, I feel sorry for you because I sure as hell don't read anyone else's long ass threads.

So things I've learned about The Mall.

1. It sucks.
2. Everything is "at least" 70% or more mark up
3. If male, gotta be gay to work in The Mall
4. No I dont want your shitty rewards card

*edit*

You know Trip, I took the time to type this in a nice form but of course it looks like dick when you post it. No spaces, no tabs, no proper form.

Kaneman · 12-18-2011, 08:47 PM

I was at the mall today and I appreciate this thread.

shmike · 12-18-2011, 11:11 PM

Cliffs Notes:

Quote:

I went to the mall with my mom.

She took me to JCPenny's Women.

I bought cheap sunglasses there.

No amount of f-bombs or self loathing anger will hide the fact that you are just as bad as the sheeple you rally against.

The difference is that they are allowed to go to the mall by themselves!

Particle Man · 12-18-2011, 11:14 PM

The weekend before X-mas? Eff that.

Rangerscott · 12-19-2011, 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shmike

Cliffs Notes:

No amount of f-bombs or self loathing anger will hide the fact that you are just as bad as the sheeple you rally against.

The difference is that they are allowed to go to the mall by themselves!

This is the first time Ive shopped at the mall for xmas in 5 or so years. Also whats wrong with spending time with family members.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kaneman

I was at the mall today and I appreciate this thread.

Did you get to see some nice boobs?

tommymac · 12-19-2011, 02:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Particle Man

The weekend before X-mas? Eff that.

we took the baby to see santa today. Not quite as painful as I thought it would be and I did get to do soem crop dusting while i was there so that made me happy

OneSickPsycho · 12-19-2011, 09:49 AM

I love it... "I hate this place, everything's so over-priced and shitty... ooo... gonna buy some shit here at the most over-priced place I'm bitching about..."

Rangerscott · 12-19-2011, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneSickPsycho

I love it... "I hate this place, everything's so over-priced and shitty... ooo... gonna buy some shit here at the most over-priced place I'm bitching about..."

Hey. You go back to your drinking in the closet thread.

pauldun170 · 12-19-2011, 10:26 AM

That bit about the Gap?
I know people who work at Gap (corporate)
There are no straight men working at the Gap.

OneSickPsycho · 12-19-2011, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rangerscott

Hey. You go back to your drinking in the closet thread.

Maybe I'll go to the mall with my mom instead.

12-18-2011, 06:47 PM	#1
Rangerscott Viff6N Mutated Warrior Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Texas Moto: '01 Honda VFR 800 & '09 ER-6N Posts: 8,704	The Mall. By Rangerscott Today I went to the mall. It was a cloudy, semi-cool day. I honestly didn't think I would go to The Mall, but I still needed to get something for my sister-in-laws. So as I enter the Gates of Hell, I say to myself, "As I walk through these corridors, I shall fear no evil." The first stop was Barnes & Nobles, fuck it's like a queer starbucks. I wanted to see how much money I saved ordering a book from Amazon and laugh. Finally found the damn book and saw that I saved $10. That's right. Go fuck yourself B&N. Then I Leo Strutted my ass out of there. As I walk through the corridors surrounded by ghouls and demon spawns (aka cattle), I start to think of what it would be like to be a mass murderer. Walking past store after store I think of what I'm not going to by my sister-in-laws. No clothes, no jewelry, no over priced artsy shit, and definitely nothing from VS. Yea, my mother said, "How about something from Victoria Secret?" My response was, "Da Fuck! I'm not their husband." So we finally settle on going into the GAP/GAP Kids. I did not really no this because I've only go to The Mall when all hope is lost, but I believe if you're male and want to work at the GAP, you must be gay. I shook my head in disbelief. I asked for a job application fillout and sure enough at the very top it read, "If male and filling this form out, applicant must be gay." I sat the form down and looked around to see if I could figure out why they would require this. It did take a few minutes but a bulb lit and finally was able to see with open eyes. THE CLOTHES! I never face palmed myself so hard before. That's why, it's because of the male clothes they sell. I was able to get my nephew and niece some clothes for them. Hopefully neither of them will want to work at the GAP later in life. Next stop was at a STUPIDLY over price joint called CRAZY 8. Why do people fucking support such overpriced kids wear? $30 for a polyester jacket that's the size of a toboggan. $50 for a pair of pants for a 3yr old! So why does the economy suck ass and people are running out of cash? O yea, that's right. Because people are retarded. So yea, I bought some clothes for my nephew/niece from the left over rack. Their parents already spoil them, they can learn about overpriced shit through me. After leaving that shit hole and wondering around The Mall like a lost deer in a snowy forest, I see a mother bending over her childs stroller while walking and see her nice round boobs and I think to myself, "Those are some nice boobs." Ah, to be jealous of a child. Wish she'd hold me against those bad boys. Finally to the last stop in America's bunghole (The Mall) is JcPennys women. After telling my mother over and over that I'm not buying my sis-in-laws jewerly, clothes, and fucking panties, you guessed it we looked at all of those. Excluding the panties. As I felt my brain go numb, I spotted the sunglasses. Could it be, the item that could save the day? Fuck yea it was cause I sure as hell wasn't going anywhere else or buying those stupid as RUBBER BOOTS (They're fucking rubber boots, I dont care how decorative they look) my mother was holding. I picked two pairs of the same for both sis-in-laws. Honestly there was really only two types to choose from. 1960's big ass style or 1980's retro style. You know people dis on the 80's all the time, but at least there was it's own style then. Now days it's just all recycled styles. WE DID IT! The horror of shopping is now over and you actually read all of this, I feel sorry for you because I sure as hell don't read anyone else's long ass threads. So things I've learned about The Mall. 1. It sucks. 2. Everything is "at least" 70% or more mark up 3. If male, gotta be gay to work in The Mall 4. No I dont want your shitty rewards card edit You know Trip, I took the time to type this in a nice form but of course it looks like dick when you post it. No spaces, no tabs, no proper form. Last edited by Rangerscott; 12-18-2011 at 06:51 PM..

12-18-2011, 08:47 PM	#2
Kaneman AMA Supersport Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Odessa, TX Moto: 2000 Honda CBR1100XX Blackbird Posts: 4,931	I was at the mall today and I appreciate this thread. __________________ 1982 Honda XR80 - blown motor, 1993 Kawasaki ZX6D - sold, 2001 Suzuki Bandit 1200S - sold, 1984 Honda Magna - sold, 2001 Kawasaki ZRX1200R - blown motor, 2007 Suzuki DL1000 V-Strom - totalled, 2003 Yamaha FZ1 - sold, 1994 Honda Magna - sold, 2001 Honda CBR600F4i - sold, 1998 Suzuki DR350 - stolen, 1989 Honda Super Magna - sold, 2007 Yamaha Stratoliner, 2000 Honda CBR 1100XX Blackbird

12-18-2011, 11:14 PM	#4
Particle Man Custom User Title Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Central NY Moto: 2003 SV650S Posts: 14,959	The weekend before X-mas? Eff that. __________________ I'm not "fat." I'm "Enlarged to show texture." Handle every stressful situation like a DOG: If you can't eat it or hump it, pi$$ on it & walk away.

12-19-2011, 09:49 AM	#7
OneSickPsycho Ride Like an Asshole Join Date: Feb 2008 Moto: nothing... Posts: 11,254	I love it... "I hate this place, everything's so over-priced and shitty... ooo... gonna buy some shit here at the most over-priced place I'm bitching about..."