critique this shiznit

[derf]

I wrote a paper for my english class, critique it, comment, let me know what I can fix or what else needs to be done.

Alfie Kohn has meticulously crafted two excellent papers about education. He is an expert in the field, but he misses the point of education in the first place. He expertly examines both the idea of grade inflation, and what it means to be well educated, but he never seems to grasp the concept, the main point of education. Do students actually understand what they learn, and do they have the ability to use that knowledge in today’s society once they learn it?

In the article titled “What Does it Mean to be Well Educated” Mr. Kohn states that his wife is a successful doctor; however, he explains that she could not do basic multiplication, a skill that any fifth grader should have mastered. That does not mean that she is not well educated, but it does mean that she doesn’t need basic math for her educational specialty in medicine. Nobody would doubt however that she is not an excellent doctor, and nobody should expect a doctor to be able to do math as well as a rocket scientist who needs to be able to do complex equations. Just the same, a rocket scientist should not be expected to understand the intricisies of the human body.

Mr. Kohn also carefully examines how grades may or may not have been inflating over the past few decades, but why does grade inflation even matter? As long as every student is held to the same standard, a B from one student can be compared to a B from another student to measure the abilities of the two, even if 10 years ago the same students would have received a C. If the only reason that we give out grades is so that employers can see who would make the ideal employee then we are mistaken. A person could be a terrible student, but make an excellent, hardworking and driven employee. That’s not to say that a lazy student will most likely be a lazy employee, but that grades cannot fully predict how one can make the transition from an educational setting to a corporate setting. How a student performs in school is no indication of how well educated or knowledgeable they actually are in life.

Mr. Kohn makes an excellent point when he states that the best way to evaluate a student is to see a “student reveal their understanding by means of in-depth projections, portfolios of assignments, and other demonstrations”. But how does one compare the education of today’s generation against an earlier generation? Are grades a good way to compare two people who have received different educations? Mr. Kohn misses one important variable when examining the question of grade inflation and the question of what it means to be well educated, time. What is viewed as important to society today is very different than a few short decades ago. In the 80’s who cared if a student knew how to use a word processor? Did most students at the time even know what a word processor is? No college student today would dare write a paper on anything other than the version of Microsoft Word that is mandated by the professor.

The real purpose of education is to produce people who have a specific expertise and skill set, and the ability and knowledge to effectively use it as a productive member of society. Doctors study medicine, soldiers study military tactics, and farmers learn agriculture. Each one of those jobs have a specific body of knowledge and skills associated with that knowledge, that people in those professions must be able to access in order to be successful in that career field. In addition to the specific body of knowledge that each specialty must learn, there is also a general common skill set that each person must learn, such as grammar, math, history, and science, but each person does not need to be an expert in all of these subjects.

Recently the Washington Post published the 1931 West Virginia elementary school diploma test. It is doubtful that many of today’s most educated college graduates could pass that test, simply because the knowledge base that was needed at that time in West Virginia is no longer needed in today’s society. One question from that test stands out is in arithmetic; “A coal bin is 12ft long, 8ft wide and 6 ft. deep. How many tons of coal will it hold having a legal weight of 80 lbs. to the bushel?” How many people today would know how many cubic feet a bushel of coal measures? In West Virginia, 1931 that would have been a very important piece of knowledge for a 13 year old child getting ready to enter the work force. This test was an honest assessment of a well-educated person in West Virginia during that time.

Education is about producing productive members of society who are able to function in specific settings, specific professions, and with current and relevant knowledge. The average person today may not need to know how many cubic feet an 80 lb. bushel of coal takes, but eighty years ago in West Virginia that knowledge, and the ability to use it was a very valuable commodity.

[pauldun170]

I see a bunch of things on first skim..
Gimme a couple. Have some things to take care of

[Trip]

do your own homework, lazy

[pauldun170]

Do you want a critique of just grammar\structure or on content?

Is this for a class at Jesus university or at a state school?
What is the name of the course?

[Homeslice]

The real purpose of education is to produce people who have a specific expertise and skill set, and the ability and knowledge to effectively use it as a productive member of society.

Sure, if all someone wants to do is focus on one particular subject in order to get a job in that field, then yeah.......but they'd fail at everything else in life. That is why real schools don't allow you to do that.

[pauldun170]

Original Article - http://www.alfiekohn.org/teaching/welleducated.htm


Derf...you start off saying that he wrote 2 articles. Why do I only find reference to one?
(One of many problems)

[pauldun170]

Sections in red needs revision are is complete garbage

Alfie Kohn has meticulously crafted two excellent papers about education. He is an expert in the field, but he misses the point of education in the first place. He expertly examines both the idea of grade inflation, and what it means to be well educated, but he never seems to grasp the concept, the main point of education. Do students actually understand what they learn, and do they have the ability to use that knowledge in today’s society once they learn it?

\

In the article titled “What Does it Mean to be Well Educated” Mr. Kohn states that his wife is a successful doctor; however, he explains that she could not do basic multiplication, a skill that any fifth grader should have mastered. That does not mean that she is not well educated, but it does mean that she doesn’t need basic math for her educational specialty in medicine. Nobody would doubt however that she is not an excellent doctor, and nobody should expect a doctor to be able to do math as well as a rocket scientist who needs to be able to do complex equations. Just the same, a rocket scientist should not be expected to understand the intricisies of the human body.

UBER absolute fail.


At this point, it is no longer worth critiquing your submission because it is apparent that you are putting your brain cells to work on it.

[Amber Lamps]

Originally Posted by pauldun170

Sections in red needs revision are is complete garbage


\



UBER absolute fail.


At this point, it is no longer worth critiquing your submission because it is apparent that you are putting your brain cells to work on it.

Yea I read it last night and found several problems with his sentence structure, verb/adverb usage and basic presentation. I was also taken aback by the fact that he opens his paper by praising the author and then immediately belittling his stance. I don't know what the requirements for the paper are but it would seem that a small amount of background on what the author actually wrote might be advisable. Perhaps a short paragraph outlining the author's views? BTW the part about the Doctor felt like "filler" and was repetitious. You also lost your point . A doctor that can't do basic math=a rocket scientist that doesn't know where the human heart is located.

[karl_1052]

More than 5 lines

[derf]

Originally Posted by pauldun170

Original Article - http://www.alfiekohn.org/teaching/welleducated.htm


Derf...you start off saying that he wrote 2 articles. Why do I only find reference to one?
(One of many problems)

The actual assignment was to argue agains on of the two papers, referencing both and a 3rd source I havnt done the actual citations yet. What was pasted in the OP was 2 hours worth of work, and a run through with spell checker. Both papers are on the school website. Problem is that the guy makes some decent points, and I don't dissagree with him