Attention Customers

[Corey]

I'm happy to inform you of a new and exciting technology you may have begun to notice in your local supermarket. While the makers have done everything they can to have this product be as easy to use as is humanly possible, I see some of you are still confounded by it.

Friends, let me tell you about Glass, more specifically, the glass doors located in your friendly neighborhood supermarket in the frozen foods section. Now I know, it may be hard for you to wrap your luddite minds around such a concept, glass truly is a transparent substance. I can assure you, good friends, that what you are seeing through the glass is the exact same product when you open the doors. Fear not, for it is not a witch casting glamour on a wooden door to fool you into thinking you are reaching for frozen peas, when in fact you are reaching into the dirty asshole of a hooker. The food you see on the outside is indeed the food you will be able to retrieve on the inside. So fear not, there is no longer a need to stand slackjawed and stare vacantly at the food for ten minutes while you hold the door open, for the scientific mastery of Glass allows you to forgo the strain of holding the door open for prolonged periods of time.

Isn't science grand?